The first 1998 nominee for the Darwin Award!
Forwarded from a guy at MIT who knows this guy at WPI. Story confirmed
by a co-employee who graduated from MIT. Yeah, really ...
One of my friends is up for a Darwin Award. (True, he's not dead, but you
just have to do something likely to kill yourself to win.) Han, you can
forward this to extropians-discussion if you want.
And so I get back to school, start my senior year, two research projects,
gradschool applications, gre preparation, and the like. The year started
off good, but that all changed about two months ago. Some of you
(especially those at berkeley) may have heard rumors of some bizarre
accident that I was involved in. So here is the truth, unabridged, for
those of you who actually want to know... Around the second week of
school, the society of physics students held a roughly annual welcome
back party, and, as tradition dictates, we made our own ice cream with
liquid nitrogen (77 K) as a refrigerant and aerator. Things were going
fine for a while. We spilled a little of the nitrogen onto a table, and
watched tiny little drops of it dance around. then someone asked, "Why
does it do that?" That may have been the point of no return. I, as is
traditionally my role, answered that the nitrogen evaporates at the
surface of the table, which provides a cushion of air for the drop to sit
on, and thermally insulates the drop to minimize further evaporation.
So you see a drop dance around without boiling away, and without
interacting with the table and getting
slowed down or smeared out. Then, I continued... I mentioned that the
same principle makes it possible to dip a wet hand into molten lead, or
to drink liquid nitrogen without injury.
I had done the latter several years earlier in a cryogenics lab, and
remembered the physics behind how it worked. Naturally, people around me
were skeptical. "You can't drink the stuff... It'll freeze your whole
body... Remember terminator 2?" But I was sure of myself. I had done it
before, and I believed in the physics behind it. So, naturally, I poured
myself a glass and took a shot. Simple. Swallow. Blow smoke out nose and
mouth and impress everyone at the party. Within about two seconds, I had
collapsed to the floor, unable to breathe or feel anything other than
intense pain. Ambulance arrives. Police arrive. Trip to hospital.
Admission. Try to explain to ER staff exactly how something like this
happens. Then I pass out. Wake up next morning connected to many
machines, some beeping, others performing more important functions like
digesting my food and breathing for me. Turns out that, in accordance
with popular belief, you really should not drink the stuff. I eventually
learned a few things about liquid nitrogen. like... While you can safely
put it in your mouth, and blow neat smoke patterns, you should never ever
ever swallow. First off, the closing of the epiglottis prevents the
nitrogen gas from escaping, so it is forced into your body
instead.second, your esophagus naturally constricts around anything
inside it, so, evenif there is a thin protective gas layer, the esophagus
will find a way to make contact with the liquid nitrogen.
Also turns out that my memory was flawed. When I had done it six years
ago, I put it into my mouth and didn't swallow. Over time, that fine line
between parlor trick and near fatal accident must have blurred.
So... The consequences... My entire upper GI tract, from epiglottis to
the bottom of the stomach was badly burned, scarred, and perforated. The
gas also expanded quite a bit while inside my body. It filled my chest
cavity with several liters of nitrogen gas, which was under enough
pressure to collapse a lung. So after what I'm told was a greuling all
night surgery, they removed part of my stomach, and had my entire
digestive system, top to bottom, running on machine power for a while. I
also had a breather for the first day or so, until my lung was restored.
There are a few details which are considerably uglier which I will spare
you.
So... The recovery... They were impressed with my recuperative skills. I
could breathe on my own completely after a few days. I could sit up in
bed after a week, and was walking in two. About that time, I began to eat
again as well. after four weeks, I was up and about again. Now, something
like eight weeks, I'm virtually healed, with the exception of a number of
unsightly scars.
But.... The good news is that I am the first documented medical case of a
cryogenic ingestion. Read the new england journal of medicine. Three
articles are in review now, and will be published soon, I'm told. These
days, my little adventure leaves me with bad jokes at physics department
meetings, and the occasional blurb in the school paper. "Make Mikey drink
it. Mikey likes it." I've also picked up the nickname "Nitro-Mike," which
is somehow supposed to sound cool, because it conjures up images of
nitro-glycerin, which implies I'm a bad mother. I don't buy it.
If any of you guys have heard a variation on this story, let me know.
I'm always curious to hear how these things sound third and fourth hand.
I was on a follow-up visit to the hospital, and I mentioned to one of the
nurses that I go to WPI. And he said that he heard about some kid from
WPI who broke into a lab in the middle of the night and stole some liquid
nitrogen to try and get high. Then, as the story goes, by the time he
gets to the hospital, he's in pretty bad shape. His lower jaw has to be
amputated, as well as his tongue. He can never eat solid foods again, and
also has a 'bag,' if you know what I mean. I didn't have the heart to
tell this guy the truth, because the story was so good at that point. So,
that, in a nutshell, is what's happened to me. Nowadays, I'm back to my
normal self... School, thesis work, grad apps, playing music, talking on
the radio, and suffering over women.
So here I am.
Michael