Corporate Lingo

Here's a little clarification of typical corporate lingo.

Competitive Salary:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join Our Fast-paced Company:
We have no time to train you and you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers.

Seeking Enthusiastic, Fun, Hard Working, People:
...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

Casual Work Atmosphere:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear ear rings.

Join Our Dynamic Team:
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

Must Be Deadline Oriented:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some Overtime Required:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Duties Will Vary:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must Have An Eye For Detail:
We have no quality control.

College Degree Preferred:
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy or English.

No Phone Calls Please:
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety Of Experience:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

Problem-solving Skills A Must:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires Team Leadership Skills:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good Communication Skills:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and then do it.