What your car says about you

• Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
• Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars
• Acura NSX - I am impotent
• Audi 9000 - I enjoy putting out engine fires
• Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
• Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
• Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp
• Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
• Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
• Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis
• Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
• Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
• Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
• Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
• Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
• Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate
• Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
• Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones
• Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
• Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall
• Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall
• Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
• Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit
• Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
• Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
• Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports
• Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year
• Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp
• Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle
• Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
• Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
• Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
• Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
• Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
• MGB - I am dating a mechanic
• Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either
• Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
• Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
• Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
• Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
• Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock
• Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie
• Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
• Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal
• Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
• Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu
• Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet
• Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
• Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet
• Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now
• Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife
• Volkswagen Corrado - I was tired of repair bills on my Porsche 944