What To Say When You Are Caught Looking
(A personal guide to what men should say when caught looking at another
woman by their wife or girlfriend.)
- I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Disdainfully)
- Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.
- I think that's a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulously)
- Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen? (Chances are she
hasn't seen that movie -- and neither have you, but you will get brownie
points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to
distract her.)
- I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a
convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut
case!
- Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!
- I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany
about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but
its gone now, thank you very much!
- Hey that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I
glad I ever got away from her. What a moron.
- I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful woman, but
to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes that looks good, but
then you have a bite and it is so sweet that it makes you sick. She
makes me sick. (It helps if you convulse a little at the end here...
maybe it will camouflage your drool.)
- I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her -- since she can never hold
a candle to you (this one might only get you punched, but its worth a
try.)
- Do you think she's prettier than me? (Give her a taste of her own
medicine.)