What To Say When You Are Caught Looking

• I can't believe that outfit she is wearing. (Disdainfully)
• Look at that guy... over there... behind the woman.
• I think that's a man dressed as a woman. (Incredulously)
• Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen? (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie -- and neither have you, but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.)
• I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut case!
• Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!
• I was staring off into space because I was about to have an epiphany about the direction of my life and the nature of my love for you, but its gone now, thank you very much!
• Hey that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron.
• I know you're probably thinking I was staring at a beautiful woman, but to me she is like one of those fancy bakery cakes that looks good, but then you have a bite and it is so sweet that it makes you sick. She makes me sick. (It helps if you convulse a little at the end here... maybe it will camouflage your drool.)
• I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her -- since she can never hold a candle to you (this one might only get you punched, but its worth a try.)
• Do you think she's prettier than me? (Give her a taste of her own medicine.)